This musing today is in honour of LOVE … true love and how even when we step away from, or are willing to let go of love, to let the people we love grow into themselves even more fully, to let ourselves become even more of ourselves in and out of love, we can still be open to loving, love, loving them and being in love with love.
And in the process when we feel like we are falling apart, we might actually be falling back into place.
When I decided to share this post with you all I wasn’t quite sure where to begin or where it would take us, to be honest it feels like this post could fit a whole book. You see that’s the thing with massive transformation, every day, every week, hell every moment feels so different. The beginning feels so much like the past, likes its over, complete and so far away, and yet the current was still feeling quite raw. Though I knew in my heart last week as I typed the words of sharing I had to open myself up and begin to allow the words to flow so that we can all feel supported in my changes, openings, letting go and journeying through my talking, sharing, and walking my talk.
As I write this today I realize the tremendous amount of love in my life, my heart, and our very special community, things already feel so different. And I want to honour this by thanking all of you who sent a message or gave me a call to check in on my craziness of late. Our authentic connections mean the world to me, and truly are why I do what I do and remind me of just how lucky I am.
OK so back to the life of Kyla … a couple of months back, I began to feel a stirring in my soul that things were about to rapidly transform. Just before this began I had also committed to completing a transformational program with a dear friend and spiritual teacher with the intention of letting go of all physical, emotional, mental and spiritual constraints to my purpose, joy and living the fullness of these in my light and I now realise fully the power of our intentions. Yes, be careful what you wish for hehehe.
Through this I knew I had to let go of our beautiful centre and space in Mosman, it needed the opportunity to change form, tick that was done but something else was rising and I didn’t know how or what exactly, it was just a feeling.
Now the interesting thing about a feeling is that often you can’t explain it. People, including me, want answers, we want clarity, we want understanding and most importantly we want someone or something to explain, blame and give reason to the chaos and craziness of life and sometimes we simply can’t put words to it.
I begun to observe my life from afar and what I saw was patterns of habits forming day to day that were showing me something was amiss. I was watching a lot of TV, I had lost interest in some of my most inspiring passion projects, I didn’t want to move, go outside or exercise and on some days my spirit was simply feeling low. Now as many of us know the energies of late being welcomed into the earth have been huge, and sure I could have convinced myself that these feelings were just part of this and chosen not to look at my own human life, and be individually accountability but I knew this purification was happening with me, not to me.
So as I do, I began to dive deeper than I have ever gone before. I envisioned that all the illusions and delusions I had created in terms of distractions were dissolved and I asked myself “what is missing, what does my heart and soul require of me and what do I need to let go of?” And as I did this, and Tobbe and I began to chat more and more about what was rising, we began to see the potentiality that our world, our life and our relationship was about to fall apart right before our eyes.
In my journeying, meditation and observing my life I began to realize that something needed to change and prior to this the last place I thought I would have to look, was my relationship, but there it was, hiding in plain sight.
To put things in context of why this was so hidden, Tobbe is the most amazing man, he is supportive, kind, unconditionally loving (even of my super craziness and creative free spirit). He is my biggest love, my best friend, my confidant, my CEO, my truth when I can’t see past the noise and he has been by my side from 23 year old party girl to 37 year spiritual teacher in full acceptance of me and my transformation. Truth behold, I am not even sure I would have gotten through some of the chaos I’ve had to clear to be where I am today without him.
We have been together for 13 amazing years in a relationship where blame, negativity or abuse simply doesn’t exist. We communicate, share openly, we laugh magically, we are 100% accountable for our pieces of the pie when conflict arises and we give each other the time to dissect our parts before coming together to go deep and share even more. But … and yes there is a but … we both began to agree that something just didn’t feel right, that something was missing and no matter how small this was, we needed to honour its presence, and be willing to step out of the comfort we had created around us and into the unknown.
We began to discover that our passion, our spark, our fire for our own individual soul love was slowly being forgotten, we had begun to silently and unknowingly put some of our needs to the back of the cupboard and didn’t even realise we were doing it. We weren’t sure how or where this began but I sense that when two highly empathic caring souls come together in such a deep loving union, to learn and grow together, it requires a deep deep diligence not to merge at some level and let go of a tiny piece of yourself along the way. But in our journey right now on the earth, no matter how tiny the piece might be, we are being shown that all pieces are needed to complete our missions and to live in our joy. To live in full enrichment and to empower the divine feminine and masculine within we needed to honour completely this fullness from within and sometimes this requires alone time and space to let go and find what we have let go of within.
As this all continued to rise to the surface, we spent the following weeks before and during our trip talking, crying, laughing, meditating, crying some more. As the layers began to fall away we both realized the only next best step was to take a break, a reset we have called it, and at this point where we end up next neither of us know.
With this unknown, truly comes for both of us the excitement of discovery, grief, fear, joy and of course freedom …. This is the blessing of truly feeling deeply in this life, we get to welcome all the guests, to let them visit and to be with what is rising. And be with it I am, and I continue to be.
So I sit here now before you 3 months after this knowing began to rise more open, more vulnerable and more free than I have ever been in my life. Its taken a lot of inner strength to walk this path and still is everyday. Theres been lots and lots of self care and nurturing, lots of boundary setting with work and I am so proud of us both for walking this path in full honour of ourselves and each other. You see when something, a feeling arises (yin), it must be followed gently with action (yang) in union or else nothing changes. What I see in the world a lot is people wishing things were different but not willing to step beyond the comfort and take a stand for their own love, life and enrichment. And this too is why I share, so that each and every one of the souls I meet along the way, yes including you, are reminded of the strength, courage and bravery that resides within you.
Last Thursday our home settled, I said goodbye to the dear sweet owl that sat in the tree for the last 2months supporting me everyday with her wisdom and comfort (and yes after moving out she never returned). Through choice we both walked away with our hearts full of love, and without much more, not even a bed (except of course my books, clothes and crystals I’m not quite ready to let all them go just yet hehehe), we let everything go and the new owner welcomed our home, and our amazing decor’ skills, as his own. And as I write to you today I am open, curious and ready each day in full presence for what will arrive next along my path, our path and the new path we are forging. Knowing that the more loving, brave and courageous I am … the more of this ripples out into the world and into each of your hearts.
When you choose to be willing to let go on a deep, deep level of the stories you tell yourself about how life “should look,” particularly the ones that continue to hold you back from your greatestness… this is when we find real freedom, and from recent experience I now realise first hand why so many people resist freedom because it can be a super scary place to be in …. and I get a feeling this awareness will find its way in another musing.
What have I learnt so far …..
- There is never anything to fix, we are each whole and complete and in the process of accepting this, sometimes things need to change, transform, take another form
- Letting go takes time, be patient with your healing, your pain, your grief and your joy
- Authentic communication is the key to any relationship, particularly with yourself
- In times of challenges, be kind to yourself, to everyone around you and particularly to your body
- Its totally ok to let go of gratitude for a small while and cry, to be sad, to feel everything and anything that needs to rise. Just remember when you are done to return home to gratitude for all that is being created through you.
- A relationship made with a solid foundation of love and kindness can withstand anything, any change in form and any tornado, even if to the outside world it looks like it is falling apart
- The old way of pushing, trying and forcing is on its way out … the new way of allowing, actioning through our heart and always being accountable in our own truth is on its way in
- As we let go, we are able to support others to do so at such greater depths and levels than ever before
- When we are vulnerable and fragile our strength rises even in the darkest of places
I have somedays found myself along the way wanting to hold on, to furniture, electronics, little pieces of memories and with each step I have reminded myself “all is well, it is time to let go.” You see all we hold onto to certain things so tightly, in fear, it will be lost or leave but eventually this shuts us down and interrupts the true flow of our life and our divine within.
So now as always its over to you dear one as you ask yourself, what are you holding onto that you too might choose to let go of this week … it might be tiny, it might be massive, but just remember inside you is everything you need to do this and the ripple effect will flow on forever.
Of course I have so so much more to share about the journey I am on, the steps I have taken, and the awareness’s that have arisen but for now I will leave us in this space of being willing to let go and next Monday our journey will continue, next week we will both be different and next week I get a feeling I will be sharing the learning’s of love that can come in being ok in letting others down ….
Till next week, immense gratitude for taking this journey with me and here’s to rising together … today, tomorrow and in every moment as we enjoy this final poem together allow it to ripple into your heart, your cells and clear and cleanse the mind of anything holding you back, from letting go. Be free to rise dear one …. xx
Letting go, to rise up and fly ….
There is a light waiting to be born.
To be born in you and I.
To be born it needs to be free to fly.
To be free to fly we need to be willing to let go.
To be willing to let go we need to observe where resistance and control lives.
To observe where resistance and control lives we need to be present.
To be present we need stillness.
To find stillness we need to stop.
To stop we need to breathe.
Are you ready … lets breathe xxx
Breathe in for 4 counts universal love, thankfulness and infinite source energy.
Hold all of this in your cells for 4 counts.
Breathe out for 8 counts kindness, compassion, and infinite gratitude for life.
Hold for 4 counts as this enters the earths core to be rippled across all time and space.
Repeat … repeat until you heart is open, repeat until your mind is clear, repeat, repeat, repeat dear soul xx
Immense, immense, magical love …. Kyla